So I say if it's in you, do it! Even if it scares the shit out of you. It is a reciprocating gift and in it, we are blessed with all the awesome that it gives us too. Not if I want to cleanly & freely express the gifts that I bring to this life anyways. I have learned that I can no longer afford the self indulgence to constantly critique my "performance" as it's happening. Like all the languages of me were talking at the same time. I had more access to express in an integrated way. It gave me a spaciousness where I could go off and give something really cool. As we got into it, I had the thought: this is a gift to them. So tonight at the Carnegie music jam, we did Me n' Bobby McGee in her honor. She reached down deep in herself and gave the world a huge gift. The truth we often miss is that we already have it inside. She was looking for that sense of love to heal her heart, like many of us do, by looking to the outside world. So in a way, she wanted truth but also she didn't. She didn't sit well with the idea that someone didn't like her. She did this one interview about some negative attention she had been getting and it really bothered her. She said many times, this is what the kids need :)Īnd also, she tried real hard to be liked. She really understood that she had a gift to give.
It was wild to watch her in the interviews and the way that she communicated. She had an absolute certainty about her perceptions of the world. Panting and smiling, trying to catch her breath. She would be coming off the stage in some of the interviews and she would need to come down for a minute or two before she was ready to chat. I love the ability she had to just go off.
Not just the feelings that are nice and easy to hear. She sure was a spark plug hey? She wanted to express all the things. Someone posted a Janis Joplin vid on Facebook and it occurred to me that I hadn't seen many of the interviews that she did.
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